Unlike the rookie writer, always eager to leave an impression on any pair of eyes within reading distance, the ‘perfect’ writer could not hold in higher regard their own personal satisfaction at not caring less what their lesser followers think.
That is, they tend to assume their readers are dumb as bricks, and even more intellectually inferior to themselves.
5. Not reusing a word or phrase to begin consecutive sentences
Because in this day and age, people still have long enough attention spans to make it through one paragraph. Because it’s easier for readers to swallow a message contained in one paragraph where the sentences are all constructed in a similar fashion. Because abusing clauses just so you won’t start another sentence with ‘and’ or ‘but’ will only leave you with a gigantic, over-commafied mess when one simple frickin’ straight sentence would’ve done.
4. ‘Most people don’t know that …’
Because reminding everyone how you’re plain better for knowing an obscure, and most likely piddling, fact is sure to make the world view you through starrier-struck eyes.
3. Rewriting your first paragraph via your last paragraph
Yes to high school English 101. No to changing the entire point of your article as expressed in your first paragraph for the sake of a shock ending, or worse, a hilarious one that only you will ever get.
2. Keeping related sentences chunked up in one para-gigantor-graph
One sentence paragraphs are fine. Human brains don’t tend to wipe clean the contents of the previous paragraph when moving onto the next one. And … yes. In simpleton terms, that means we can connect the dots, which means you can stop being a coddling dumbass and break up that illegible piece of baloney.
1. ‘And in case you missed the punchline …’
If people missed your remarkable piece of wit, it will not ruin their lives nor yours. Disguising your joke in a thinly-veiled and just as ineffective postscript will not soften the blow for any one of your readers, either.
In summary: simplicity can be a symptom of a successful piece of writing.
