A bus trundles along a serpentine road of doom somewhere in south-east Queensland …
Blonde girl: Hi, I’d like a ticket?
… and a brand new, charming customer hops onboard.
Bus driver: That’ll be [indeterminate amount of money].
Blonde girl: No, I’m only travelling one zone, so it should be [shoves coins in driver’s face] … this much.
Bus driver: We’re in Zone 4, so actually it’s [indeterminate amount of money].
Blonde girl: That’s bullshit!
Bus driver: [not missing a beat] You’re bullshit!
They squabble for approximately 30 seconds longer before the driver shuts the door and pulls away from the curb, the blonde girl all the while still up in his face.
Blonde girl: It’s very dangerous standing here! You shouldn’t have started the bus … you should’ve waited until I got a seat!
The bus is already running ten minutes late, but the whole world revolves around blonde girl, you see.
Bus driver: [speeding up the bus] Whatever.
Blonde girl: [storming down the bus aisle] You’re a bloody wanker!
Bus driver: Bitch!
Rest of the bus: [inordinate amount of cheering]*
The bus might have been late to the train station, and I might have missed my train, but this made my otherwise bad day a little brighter. I like to think that’s how things are supposed to play out.
*I added this particular part to demonstrate a point: that at no point in the history of anything that has ever happened has a crowd of bystanders cheered in any way, shape or form at any scathing or in this case dull but somewhat amusing repartee of the minds. Why do online writers always linchpin stories like these with exaggerated closing reactions from witnesses, when in real life it would go more along the lines of silent eye rolling followed soon after by dexterous top hat spinning from the paw of one’s pet kitten to amuse oneself to a degree multiplied by a thousand from the original incident?
My brain needs a new hobby.
