P1: Bad day at work today.
P2: ‘Today’ is redundant.
P1: …
P2: What happened then.
P1: [lengthy spiel]
P2: Well sometimes we make good choices and sometimes we make bad choices but we can’t always choose between the good and the bad.
P1: ……
P2: What?
P1: What?
Motivational quote connoisseurs take note: if any of the following overused, ‘upbeat’ words or phrases make it into that inspiring tidbit forming in your head, shut your mouth and reset your brain.
‘Sometimes …’
A cheap way to infer that things will get better, while allowing for the possibility that they might not/probably won’t. Wishy-washy is not motivational.
‘Even if it means …’
Do what you want, but something bad will always come out of it! Maybe!
People prefer ignorance to the possibility of negative fallout. Cater to this need.
‘But there’s always …’
Or in other words, settle for less. No-one settles for less than what they want and feels better for it. Jesus.
‘Just remember that …’
Yes, there are worse off people. But no, it’s not about them. It’s about the person you’re trying to cheer up, and reminding them there are people out there with better reasons to be unhappy will only drill-hole your victim with guilt and another reason to feel unhappier about the selfish ass you just reminded them they are.
It won’t kick them in the gut hard enough to shift their mood into a cheerier stratosphere. So, again, cater.
‘But …’
No. Shut up. Contradictions and motivational quips are not meant to live in the same happy little world.
And neither, for that matter, are hackneyed quotes and any sane attempt to jolt someone’s face into a smile not expressing the sentiment ‘You sanctimonious bint’.
