The best kinds of egocentrics oblivious to their inept, self-overblown skills are the kinds predisposed to reverse psychology. Oh, you don’t want to read the rest of this post? Fine. Your facile comprehension skills skyrocket spectacularly into a new stratosphere of idiocy, anyway. Scoot, moron!
Barring those of you not in regular contact with young children and alliteration pundits, the sudden feeling of blue murder currently laying siege to your veins should be a familiar one. Unfortunately, the trend towards attempting to bludgeon people’s inner ticking mechanisms in such a way as to get them to do exactly what they don’t want isn’t confined to the arsenals of those with a maturity cutoff permitting them to utilise grade school tactics.
Abusers of the faithful art of reverse psychology? I’m onto you.
You succeed at it on a scale commonly referred to as ‘fail’
Reverse psychology has been around since before it was phrased for good reason: it works.
Caveman: Grunt. (I don’t want you.)
Cavewoman: Grunt. (Take me now!)
Well, to a point.
The problem with psychological techniques which have proven effective in coercing the majority kind of humans into doing a lot of unintelligent shit throughout history is that they invariably fall into the hands of morons with the unique ability to lower by two squared by a million percent the effectiveness of anything they touch.
Consider, for example, a pervasive figure in a particular facet of your life. He heaps you with his list of wild grievances with the one best friend of his you happen to detest, in order to eke out your grudging defence and eventual approval of said friend.
P1: And he slept with my girlfriend!
P2: But I’m your girl- … oh, screw the fact he just finished community service for beating up my pet bandicoot with a spanner! The fact you hate him means I now must embrace his awesomeness!
Only that last part of your acquaintance’s brilliantly thought out reverse psychology play never happens. He is, in more succinct terms, a luddite of the wonderful mechanism that is saying one thing in order to procure the complete opposite sentiment.
And the specific gender noun usage may mean I am in fact projecting, when in fact I’m not. Really.
You muddy the mind-controlling waters of better reverse psychologists
Putting aside its regular misuse, I have lain witness to some magnificent displays of reverse psychology in action. Unfortunately –
P1: Can you please …
P2: No! Stop! I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to … reverse-psychologise me into doing your bidding!
P1: What?
P2: Yeah, Bob tried to pull that voodoo on me last week! I see through the both of you.
P1: Oh. Bob. Just because I managed to get him to drink a gallon of detergent that one time, he thinks he’s an expert on reverse psychology now.
P2: Can you please kindly get the hell away from me?
– skilled practitioners of reverse psychology have that much of a harder time fighting the tidal wave of ineptitude brought into the field by those incapable of understanding that being subjected to it does not change the fact that they suck with the power of a supernova at it.
You need to get that there are other brainwashing techniques out there
Like subtly forgetting who someone is and igniting their feelings of inferiority. But … god, can you stop reading already, what’s-your-name? I’m trying to write something comprehensible to the average visitor here, and having someone belonging on the left-hand tail end of an IQ chart prying around here is even less helpful in achieving that than a multilingual bandicoot is in proffering its services in beating you up with a spanner!
Like dropping teasers and building anticipation. But that will be expounded upon in a future post.
Like throwing in random, inane twist endings. But for now, I’ve exhausted the limits of my brilliant imagination with the ‘example followed by satirical statement’ structure and rampaging marsupial anecdote of bygone paragraphs.
